ISLAM, Uncategorized

The White Hellmutts.

A regular viewer of Al Jazz, BBC Global, ABC24, SBSnews will have seen ubiquitous coverage of those “brave” men in white helmets pulling survivors from bombing-induced rubble in Aleppo. My antenna picked up a faecal signal and I said earnestly and quietly to myself “Hmm”, or something very close to that. Determined to allay my suspicions that this was suspicious, I managed to plant a bug under the PM’s desk when I was last there for petit fours [ although there were actually three of us in attendance]. Here is the conversation I later recovered after attending No.10 for even pettier deux:

PM:  Look at the polls Humphrey, we’re sunk. The plebians have rattled to our role in supporting Assad’s opposition as well as those Daesh-bag terrorists. That infernal attack on the Syrian Army was supposed to look like a mistake. Then there are all the civilian casualties. Well Sir Humphrey, how do we redeem our pristine image with dead kiddies on the news every night?

SH:  Not to worry PM, they don’t vote now do they? But leave it with me, I’ll hand our image problem to some rather rum chaps at a nifty public relations firm.

PM:  Surely not those idiots that handled our Brexit case?

SH: Good Lord no!  They were behind the Irish Gay Marriage campaign.

Two Days Pass:

SH:  All arranged PM. Our PR  fellows are going to manufacture some heroes while, at the same time, make Vlad and Assad look bad. I say, rather a good bit of rhym….

PM:  Yes, yes, poetic indeed. How did that work out when we tried to blame them for the bombing of aid lorries?

SH:  Forget that PM. These fellows propose that we second a few hundred volunteers to make a display of rescuing survivors from the Russian bombings. Make them stand out for the world to see by issuing them with white helmets. Embed the best photo journalists. I’ll have a little talk to the BBC Chief about his tenure.

PM:  But surely the locals are doing that already? And how do you organize volunteers out of that rabble of camel fu… ah, drivers? Organized as Italian parliament those people.

SH:  Money PM. And none of our business if they’re filmed rehearsing the extraction of a pregnant mother buried under concrete for a week, what?

PM:  But wouldn’t she die without water after so long? I mean….

SH:  A hypothetical PM. We’ll make it two days just for you. And the White Helmets could deliver her baby afterward. What a scene!  Pups. We could have some puppies…..

PM: What Humphrey! Ridiculous. The woman delivering pups. Nobody will fall for that.

SH:  No, no I meant…. Oh, it doesn’t matter.

PM:  You know, it just might work Humphrey old boy. That will be the second brilliant idea I’ve had this week. One thing though Humphrey – there won’t be any terrorists among them I hope.

SH:  Pay no mind to that PM. Even if one or two slipped under our guard, those chaps all look the same; the public will never be attentive enough to match a beheader’s picture to the same man in a white helmet. Never happen, PM.

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